challenging fears - college edition

Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for the love on the first post of simply trying. I’m so grateful for all of your support.

I’m still working on the posting schedule for simply trying, so please be patient with me as I figure it out :)

I’m currently back in my college town, where I’ll be spending the rest of June and half of July working for the Missouri School of Journalism as a Peer Advisor. I’ll be helping students set up their schedule for their first semester at Mizzou, and it’s so fun to see the passion and excitement they are bringing to the program and the nerves they are so desperately trying to hide.

This job has allowed me to reflect on my college experience, and how much I have changed in the past two years. It’s absolutely insane to me that in August, I’ll be starting my 3rd year in college. I have somehow survived 4 semesters of exams, final projects, living 6 hours away from home, late-night study sessions in the library the night before an exam, runs to Sonic with my closest friends, disappointments, rewarding group projects, & sooooo much more.

The summer before my freshman year, I was a MESS of emotions. My Snapchat memories from July 2021 are filled with pictures of me crying in the parking lot of my elementary school, or having a breakdown thinking about needing an ice tray in my mini fridge. Somedays though, I was beyond ready to leave my hometown and start anew, away from the drama and difficulties of high school. On other days, I was DEVASTATED at the thought of leaving behind my friends, family, dogs, and the life I had in Indy. I didn’t think I was ready to take this giant leap into a new phase of life. I thought I needed one more normal year at home, and THEN I would be in the right space. My last two years of high school being completely shaken up because of COVID-19 made me forget was a normal life at home really looked like, and I thought I should find that sense of normalcy again before going off to a new state for this next chapter. But deep down, I knew I could do If I was able to make it through a GLOBAL PANDEMIC, I could probably survive college. Right?

Not only was I able to survive the first two years of college, I have THRIVED. I have gotten to do amazing things and meet the best people over the past two years. All of the things I was afraid of ended up not being a big deal, or taught me an important lesson that I needed to experience in order to grow.

What I’m trying to say here is that if you’re like me, you fear the unknown and expect things to go worse than they actually will. Sometimes, I’m able to realize that I’m being unrealistic and can walk myself away from the anxiety cliff and crawl back down to reality. Other times, I end up spiraling out of control and need the help of my mom, therapist, friends, or boyfriend to bring me back to sanity. I’m still trying to figure out the best methods of preventing these anxieties from taking over my day. Recounting my past, like my going-to-college experience, helps me realize that the voices in my head telling me I’m gonna be alone and have no friends, or that I should’ve gone to college in Indiana, are trying to protect, but aren’t worth giving all of my energy toward. At the end of the day though, this positive outlook is not always what comes to mind when I’m heading toward that cliff. Mental health is a work in progress, and I’m just simply trying to figure out what’s best for me. ;)

I’m very thankful for the support of my friends and family throughout the past two years of college. I can’t wait to see where the next two will take me!